Jewish weddings...I actually wish I knew more about the Jewish culture and look forward to possibly "learning it" instead of "learning of it" some day. Anyway, the following isn't comprehensive by any stretch of the imagination of the preparation for a Jewish wedding, but I want to share a bit with you so that I can reflect on where Ang and I are at...



Back in the day, a man intent on marriage would come to the father of the woman he desired to marry. The two would discuss a bridal price which was not ever supposed to be equated with the value of the bride...however, a small price would be exchanged. The man would then present a cup of wine to the woman. She then had three choices:

1. She could pour it out which obivously meant **** NO!!!  I used asterisks to show how emphatically the woman really didn't want to be a part of the marriage in any way.

2. She could drink it which obviously meant **** YESS!!! Haha, this time I just used them for fun. However, you get the point that she really wants to marry this dude and is ALL IN!!!

3. She could choose not to drink it AND choose not to pour it out...What does that mean? Well, it means that she would place the cup on the table and it would remain there as a symbol that she is choosing to marry the man. However, it isn't because of her desire. She will marry the man to respect her father, the culture and the family...She chooses to be faithful but is making it clear that this wasn't her desire.
 

I'm really thankful that I have a woman in my life that would go with door number 2. I really can't think of a sadder situation than 3 where the bride really doesn't have a desire to be with the one she's about to be with for life...

Regardless, the young (or old) man then retreats to his father's house to prepare a place for his bride. He can't come back for a minimum of a year and even then has to wait for the consent of HER father. Therefore, they would say that no man knows the day nor the hour that he will return...not even the son, but only the father. AGAIN, the father of the bride...not the father of the groom...

When that day comes, the groom wastes no time and often comes in the middle of the night to sweep away his bride. He comes in with a shout and the bride goes with him along with the virgins who are found waiting with oil in their lamps...then dat da dat da da...they get married, they go into the wedding chamber, stuff happens and a week later, his bride finally comes out revealed.


There is this Jesus dude who was fully man and fully God. It's kind of crazy to wrap your head around and I want to spend more time just talking about Jesus in other blogs. Anyway, He came and went through this process for those of us who choose to be His bride.

He came and talked with the Father and the Father determined a price that needed to pay...This price didn't equal the value of the bride. It was in fact little in comparison to her. That is why Jesus could "consider it pure joy on the cross"...Did He love paying for sin and taking on the wrath of God? No. Very somberly, not at all. However, He knew the value in the bride in what she was going to become. He also knew that she that is forgiven much will love much. What a gift He was about to receive.

He then went to His father's house to prepare a place for His bride and He has to wait a period of time for the bride to get ready. Currently He is itching and scratching with more pent up emotion than you know to come back and get His bride...but He doesn't know when that will be...He's still waiting on the father of the bride to say, "son, go ahead. She's ready and she's yours..."

May He come back to a bride that has desired to drink fully of that cup and not just half heartedly chosen to not pour it out for respect to a christian culture or family or anything else...



NOW- Where we're at.

This summer, God told me to go back to Marquette and prepare for my bride. Up until literally this second, I didn't really know what that process looked like. However, I came back here and He started putting the pieces together. Ang and I got caught up in His whirwind romance and then were just as quickly seperated. Meanwhile, we're in the waiting process as a K-1 Fiance Visa can take anywhere from like 3 months to 11 months...sometimes longer to fully get processed. It costs us a lot and I'm not just saying money. From that time we've got 3 months to get married which shouldn't be a problem except for the fact that it complicates it a bit if we want to do any wedding planning and if we want to honor those of you who have followed our lives and impacted us. So, without any concrete answers or plans and even more complications than I want to get into on here, we find ourselves itching, waiting and praying to be with each other.

I'm thankful for this heart-wrenching gift often times but not always. You see, I'm learning to taste and see how badly my Jesus desires to come back to His bride. It's not as if He's just chilling up there and eventually will come back. I'm not even convinced that He's just waiting for His bride to like Him enough to rouse Him from His position...although, His bride might need a heart check. I'm starting to see that He is absolutely beside Himself trying to get back to His bride and pining over her so much that He spends all of His time at the right hand of God telling Him about His bride and petitioning Him for favor, for grace, for mercy, for love, that they would see...that they would forgive and be free...that they would have ears to hear...that they would be one...

So in short...We are at a place where He keeps pursuing us hard even through our waiting and even through our discomfort and even through our sometimes unhappy looking faces that want to complain...Be patient with us as we try to step into the waiting with a fiery grace and calm trust. Also, on a side note if you made it this far in the blog, I'm thinking about writing a book about what I'm starting to believe is the greatest transition a life is supposed to make...Drop me an email if reading that someday would honestly interest you. I'm trying to gauge if what I want to write would be for me, my children, you or whomever...

I know many of you have been waiting awhile for this blog. That really hasn't been intentional on my part but at least you get a little piece of what we're going through...waiting. I've decided to keep a number of the details from the time period of my last blog to where we are at today for Ang and I. If you ask us in person, we may divulge a bit more of the story but for now I'm not going to be posting it all...However, there are a few things that I feel I should share with you...So are you ready?

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I think I mentioned in one of my previous blogs how God shifted the seasons in my life at the start of June (I can share more details of that transition at a later time if you want.) Like any other transition, He was drawing me "out" of something while simultaneously drawing me "into" something...This something in my life is "my inheritance."

As the youngest of 5 boys, I've never really given much thought to inheritances and don't look forward to a day when I have to approach that thought in the physical realm. However, this summer, God started telling me to "be bold and courageous, for you have not gone this way before...be bold, for the season I am taking you in, you have no paradigm for..."

God had me look at the life of Joshua. In fact, God kept telling Joshua to "be bold and courageous" and to "not fear" right before God used him to lead the Israelites into the 'promised land.' SO...what exactly does this inheritance look like in my life? How do I get it? What is it? Those were all questions I started chewing on...Another day I might get into more detail over what I've found, but here's just a snippet.

Joshua led the Israelites into the promised land to gain their inheritance. While God had promised this land to the Israelites, there were legitimate obstacles. There were giants in the land who ate their children. Joshua and Caleb had been the only ones in the entire nation of Israel to even step foot in the promised land...and yet even they were about to go to places they had never been before. The inheritance promised to them wasn't just going to be handed over...they were going to have to go get it.

A lot of times we feel today that the bible holds the keys to get through every situation in our lives. However, it is strewn with stories like this where there was no guide book and the only way through was trust and courage. In some ways, we're at that point today. There are a number of things that God has promised us. I'm not exactly sure how to get there or get them. He's asked me to be bold and take courage while trusting Him in the process. There are significant obstacles but wrestling through this process is making me become my inheritance. Some day I will have to get into a bit more depth with that last sentence but not right now.

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God has been teaching me a bit about Joshua these past months, but it has started to shift to Jacob. Jacob wrestled with God in the major transition of his life that left him literally limping. His life changed from being a heel grabbing "supplanter" always looking for ways to squeeze out a blessing that wasn't initially intended for him to a man who walked into an inheritance from God.

Ang and I are in a place where we are having to wrestle through a lot of things with God and we know that He has great blessings in store for us. He's been weaving something ridiculously beautiful between us and we're working through some of the stages of the transition into a major shift in our lives. Like Joshua and Jacob, we believe that God has goodness in store for us. We also believe that God will provide in absurdly sweet ways. However, we're well aware of the obstacles and distance that stares us in the face with each step through trust...

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"Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all these things shall be added unto you..." -bible

The only problem was that I only had enough money left to either get up there or to pay the first half on the ring God wanted me to get her. I wrestled with it a bit and God let me know that He wanted me to do both. So I put the money into the ring and waited for it to be prepared. I had a week to get enough money to pay off the rest of the ring and pay for a roadtrip to Nova Scotia and then back to Winnipeg before coming home to Marquette...hopefully to a job.

The night before I was to leave, a buddy of mine approached me and let me borrow some money. This money was enough to finish off the ring and pay for the trip. However, the next morning my car needed to be fixed...and then again...and finally a third time in one day! Are you serious??? Yup, one thing after another kept falling apart on it and I had to get on the road in a matter of a couple hours. Meanwhile, I was praying that the ring would be finished by the time I needed to head out.

In the end, I got my car fixed up and the ring just in time to hop in my car and drive through the night to find my gorgeous girl in the airport. The money I was given had depleted to the place where I had just enough to get to the Ottawa Airport. I didn't even have enough gas money to get to Nova Scotia...but it was time to go so I took off. Meanwhile, I found out that Ang had been given a check by a church and it was more than she was anticipating so we now had a backup plan at least for how to make things work for a bit. I had to swallow a bit of my pride in allowing her to pay for things, but in the end we'd have to share everything anyway and it's all going to be by His grace.

Talking of His grace...I hopped in my car and within a half hour of leaving the country, I found myself on the phone with a good friend of mine from my days in Haiti. I hadn't talked with her in about a year and while catching up with her, she dropped this: "Hey, I've been saving money by staying on friends couches this past semester...How can I get you a thousand dollars?"
 

Money wasn't the focal point of our trip but it revealed His faithfulness to us. (seek Him first and He'll provide what you need...) The time I spent up in Nova Scotia was really good for Ang and I as we got a chance to meet up with a number of family and friends. I got the go ahead from Angie's dad and then we decided to take a roadtrip within our roadtrip. It was during this time that Ang and I got engaged...in the tower of a castle...the one on your left.

Then after saying our goodbyes, we started heading back towards Winnipeg. However, God gave us a special gift by His grace and allowed us to enter the US which really shouldn't have been able to happen for a variety of reasons. This enabled us to drop a few things off and get our engagement pictures taken! It also meant that we got to spend a few more days together than we had been anticipating. After a short visit here, we took off to Winnipeg for a short visit up there before I returned, or at least tried, in time to start work.

I entered Minnesota after midnight and was cruising along until my transmission started going...Hours later after driving 35 mph in 3rd gear, it was evident that I needed to hang it up and walk away. This car skipped retirement and was about to rest in peace. God in His grace though provided a couple I met to take me in for a day and help me bring my car into the junk yard where I sold it for enough money to get a rental car back to Marquette the next day...again with no money, but enough to take the next step.


That's the thing about walking by His Spirit...You have to keep taking one step of trust after another.

Waiting...

Some of you antsy people who have just been yearning for the next blog to get rolled out are getting a small vicarious taste to what Ang and I are living right now. I've had some pretty intriguing thoughts about that subject but we'll have to get to that in another blog.


It's been a few days since I last wrote and that's partially because of a pretty hectic schedule right now and partially because I'm trying to weigh the balance of what details to share and how transparent to get. You see, the point of being transparent is not so that you will see the depths of me clearer...The point is so that you'll see the depths of Him when you look at me. I don't want our blogs to be transparent in a way that brings us glory or honor from you. Likewise, we have no desire to be put on anyone's pedastal. We're working through this thing called life just like you. We're going through the transitions of how to live by His Spirit and not just our strength like many of you. The fight to do things on your own strength multiplies when you have another person in your life that it directly affects...forever. I can't even imagine the depth it gets to when you start having kids. I hope to God that He gives us the blessings of children some day.

Anyway, God gave the two of us a window through our transitions to block out the rest of the world to a degree and just BE in His presence. Whether it was boating, hiking, chilling by a fire or eating in unison, we had the opportunity to be ourselves in His presence and enjoy each other. The busyness of America grieves me sometimes because we forget the goodness of His rest.

Ang had an opportunity to see me in my environment and around "my people" for the first few days. I had no desire to prove anything and I enjoyed stepping away and watching her handle conversations with friends and family with extreme grace and actual intrigue. Each day I was getting further and further into a mess for her...just one example would be me face down in my plate of...you know what! I still don't remember what we were eating then. All I know was that I was enjoying her too much to do anything else but put my head down and soak it in...Unfortunately it happened to occur while we were eating. At least she loved it! :)

Meanwhile, God had been taking that blank sheet of paper in her heart and scribbling furiously all over it. It only took 3 days into her trip before she couldn't handle it. That's when her heart exploded all over me. To say I was overwhelmed by the speed and goodness of my dad who had quickened her spirit for me as He had done to me for her would be an understatement. I also then got to enjoy the satisfaction of seeing her become a mess for me...

Now we both KNEW...and we had 6 days left. So we enjoyed them and I'm keeping those memories for us for now.


The 9 days came to an end and it wasn't sad like you'd expect. Instead, we were both filled with a wonderment of His faithfulness and looked forward to getting things done so that we could get together forever. As she left, I quickly realized that while I had been waiting for her all of my life, this would be the first time that I waited for her while actually knowing her...

yay :-/

Seriously...

I have been to almost every continent in the world and traveled through various countries. I've chased seals and reindeer, climbed the tower surrounding the inner sanctuary of the oldest temple ruin in the world (Angkor Watt) and climbed over the Himalayas at a height unmatched in America. I've been to places where they had never seen white people before, slept in the street with "street kids" and rode elephants. I've seen lions and tigers in the wild...with the protection of a bamboo staff. I've circumnavigated the globe and have eaten much that comes from it. I've sipped cobra whiskey, held anacondas, eaten monkey brain, trekked near Yaks, managed a radio station, drank my own pee and counted my blessings under more stars than I know of.

I have friends who God has used to raise the dead. I've seen miracles of all sorts in front of my eyes including healings, forgiveness, villages changing and food multiplying. I've ridden on buses cramped with 95 plus people 18 hours a day for more days than you'd like to know. I've also ridden ON buses...I've taken malaria with me as well as a number of parasites and worms. I've led groups, received medals and done all that other honorary stuff. Even more highly, I've been loved by Haitian orphans, deaf African kids and Ukrainian orphans without names. I've given all that I've had and known the lack of comfort. I've also had more than I could ever ask for and known the comforter. My life has been full and I can truly say that I've been blessed.

However, Ang came to Marquette to visit me and it kicked off the best and most full 9 day period of my life. No question. No close second!


During the summer, God had told me multiple times to "be bold and courageous, for you have not gone his way before...Benny, Be bold...I'm taking you into your inheritance...I'm bringing you into a season that you have no paradigm for..."

Really? No paradigm? Wow! OK...

He was right and I'm just stepping into it!

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Pooks looked at me and shouted "Hey, when's Angie getting in?" I looked up curb-side after releasing the stench of garbage that were ruining my clean scent. "In about a half hour!" He chuckled as he walked and replied that I should get going soon..."Are you ready?" he quipped. "Well, I should be...I just got done with my 4th shower today and I already tried leaving about an hour ago before Lauren had me stop over..." We both laughed and I got in my car on a mission to pick up the one I had been waiting for.

I kept the car silent as I drove and just saturated myself in the noise of my thoughts...Everything seemed to stand still as I rushed to start breathing again. My car slowly pulled into the parking lot at the airport as a single plane, her plane, broke through the clouds to tip toe down onto the runway. I looked up, breathed deep and pondered aloud "What the piss am I getting myself into?"
"MY GOODNESS!" was the simple response that fired back before I had time to catch up with the conversation in my head...His goodness...wow. ok. I'm in! ALL IN!

One by one the passengers mosied on through the small terminal to their loving families...then the stewerdesses...finally the pilots!! Wait, the pilots? That's not good...shouldn't they be last? Wait...did she miss one of her four connections? NO!!! She didn't freak out and stay in Orlando? I know she likes sun, but that would be sad...and then like a father's embrace after you've been afraid in the dark as a child, she came around the corner and all was well again. I could finally breathe deeply!


I didn't know exactly what our time together was going to look like but I knew it was going to be filled with His goodness!

We took off for Marquette where I got to show her a little bit of the city, have her meet my little sister and a few of my friends...Then we went and got groceries. That sounds like a small detail to add to this, but you have no idea the satisfaction I find in sharing life with this woman...Just "doing life" with her made me feel alive...vibrantly awake as though I had just taken on Niagra falls in a barrel.

I was made for this.
More accurately, I was made for her...
...She was made for me...
We were made for Him.

...and that made my heart smile :)

Tomorrow, starts day 1.
 

It had been a little while since my hands had taken the kind of beating that stripping a roof of four roofs administers. My heart was content though. The 8 to 10 to 12 hour days my uncles and I took to re-roof our old deer camp seemed much like a vacation I'd love to get every other month. The woods and camp hold such fond memories for me and it was my delight (not duty) to pour myself into this roof. It had been four or five days since I had last talked with Angie but it didn't really feel like it because she somehow accompanied my mind through the long hours of work.

I know of very few Veales who have a gift for brevity and are fond of holding onto their own opinions. It was actually quite humorous and endearing for me to just keep my mouth shut and listen as my uncles and dad jibber jabbered throughout the day.

I recounted a few of my dreams that I've held onto since a child. One was to share these woods someday with my woman. (For those of you who have a hard time hearing me call her my woman, I want to just let you know that there is no shovonism or slight on her...Just pride in identifying myself with her. I say "woman" with the utmost respect and affection. Please give me grace with that if you ever hear me say that...) Anyway, there are places and things that I've saved in hopes of sharing them with my wife. This place is one of them.

We packed up our things for the day and went to a family camp on the lake to get cleaned up and relax by the fire after a sauna...When we got there my uncles headed towards the lake to get refreshed and then got food. I on the other hand went directly for my phone and went for a walk that I had been waiting for all day. Ang and I talked and it was here that I found out that she desired and had planned on living with her sister in Winnipeg for awhile...I stepped back a second and weighed my heart. I knew that I was supposed to invite her and I knew that I wanted to pursue her. I also knew that if things were going to work, then it would have to be by His Spirit...so, I chose to support her in whatever direction she decided to go in...and I waited.

During these days, I tried to give her space and only called every four or five days. It was a fine line of pursuing hard and yet letting her breath. After all, I really didn't have any response from her at all except for this "white page" business...So I treaded patiently and did the only thing God allowed me to do...talk about my heart.

In these conversations I started out with some shallow things and eventually worked into deeper and deeper areas. With each call she responded with another step into my heart. Little did she know that pretty soon she was going to be surrounded by the embrace of my heart.

...It was a few days after the above conversation that I had hit a point where I was about to explode again. Angie and I were going to skype each other for the first time. While we had talked a few times on the phone in the past weeks, the thought of being able to see her riled me up. I was all sorts of excited and yet all I needed to do was find a place with wi-fi. I went to the cofee house..internet wasn't working well...so I went to the church, but there was a band practicing and I couldn't get wifi downstairs. I went to a friends house and then anothers until I finally got a room where I would get wi-fi that would work...I got on quick to make sure that she hadn't left me while I was trying to figure out a place that would work. To my great relief, she was there!!!

It was GO TIME!!

...and then 30 seconds into our conversation, I lost her.

You've got to be kidding me!!! Well, I'll just try calling her on skype again...or 5 more times...Where is she!?!?!
Hmmm...I'll just call her to see what's up. Surely she didn't leave on purpose. Did she? Nah.
No answer...
hmmm...
I guess I'll call her again
or 4 more times...
Wow am I going to sound desperate.
I JUST NEED TO TALK TO HER!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I take a quick breather and realize that I must look like a complete nut job who's lost his marbles...
and then she rings back...
"Hey benny, sorry about that, I lost my internet and my phone was on silent in the other room...I came over to call you instead and realized that you had tried calling me..."
Well...that was a relief...even if she thought I was a wierdo, she had the guts or courtesy to call me back...

OK then, Plan B.

I threw on a coat and my shoes and walked out the door with phone in hand. I'd just have to pour out my heart over that instead. I hurriedly walked towards the beach at the end of the road. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Well, tonight I was letting my heart cascade all over my tongue as I delivered one piece after another of my heart to her. I unloaded everything from my struggles with pornography to my dreams to my girl situations (or lack there of?) to wounds I had kept primarily to myself my entire life. In short, I laid myself bare.

I let her know of the words God told me over the summer and that I knew I would be getting my wife soon...and that it was my hope and belief that it was her. I told her about some of the very real dreams that I've had throughout the years that may some day take place. Some of those dreams hold some pretty weighty experiences and the thought of making someone walk through those things with me had kept me from pursuing a number of females in the past...and yet, it felt so right and so good to invite her along for the ride...and I told her how much I just loved Jesus!!

In essence, when I chose to trust God with my heart, I chose to take a path of strategy a little more foolish in the minds of many. Surely this would push her away. Right? Listen, the most positive sign I had up until this point was that she had a "white page." So I respond with "I want to marry you..." Hmmm...again...all sorts of not ok...but He wanted me to pour out my heart so I proceeded to drench her with dew from my depths.

Then there was silence...

"Well Benny, I suppose I'm going to need to start reciprocating and give you something..."
"Ang. No, you don't. I mean...If you want to I won't stop you but I really don't need anything from you right now. You're released of that. When it's time for you to say whatever, say it. Before then, you don't have to say a thing."
"OK."
"Also, I know that you are planning on going to live with your sister in Winnipeg. I was wondering if you'd be willing to maybe come and visit me along the way for a week or so."
"Sure. yeah, I've got peace about that. I actually just have an overwhelming peace about all of this...I don't really know what to say to you and I don't really have a response but I have peace."

...peace.

First of all, I praise God that He can get a conversation out of me as messy as a kid's diaper that includes the word "marriage" in it to a girl I've never hung out with one on one before and it still produces a response of "peace."

Second of all, I got a response. It was concise...and it was good.

Third...Did she just agree to come visit me??? Haha, wait! What?!?! Who is this girl??? HAHAHA, YEEESSSSSS!


Speaking of feeling good...my endorphins were kicking like I had just run the Boston marathon backwards. All I could do was sit down near a tree and watch the full moon rise over the lapping waves of the great Superior. All was well with my soul. My heart was content and I too shared in that peace...

"Pursue her like I've pursued you..."
 

My mind went blank.

"Can you help me out a bit more? I don't even know how you pursued me. I just know you did."

"Well...you don't need to know any of the trivial details of her life right now so don't even prod. You know what I think of her and how I look at her. That's all you need to know about her. Trust me. Instead, I want you to pursue her by inviting her into deeper and deeper depths of your heart without any need for her to reciprocate vulnerability."

Wow! He's right. My relationship with God was never initialized by my vulnerability or depth. He always was deeper and more vulnerable with me...and He never once forced me to open up. He waited for it to be time. Still does!
 

***Even salvation...we often focus on asking Him into OUR hearts but the actual good news of it all is it's based on us accepting His invitation into HIS heart before there's ever any response from ours.***
 

Peace and confidence rolled over me like a 4.0 student who has finished and double checked all of their answers...or at least what I think someone who's like that and does that would feel :) Regardless, I trusted God in this. What was even better was that I knew that I trusted HIm. All I had to do was wait another 5 or 6 days to talk with her...

God had different plans or at least He let me have them :) Haha 10 days sounded like an ulcer so I took my pent up emotions and plans and headed for the Hylton's movie room where I could just pace and think loudly. My mind was pounding and I was starting to turn a little bit female because I had all sorts of emotions and feelings and wasn't sure which I was supposed to pick. In short, I was becoming a mess.

After about a half hour of this I figured I should either just give her a call or buy the Hylton's a new carpet from the tread I had just laid. So as calmly as I could with a sweaty brain, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. She answered and within a few minutes I started exploding the life inside of me and what God was doing all over her. Evidently the invitation into my heart needed the dramatic event of me ripping the door off of it's hinges.

She stepped in and listened to my heart. I told her about a few of the things God had been telling me from the previous blog. Then I stopped and said something like this:

"Listen. Ang, God is bringing me into a new season of my life where I'm learning to walk into my inheritance and to be bold. I took a pretty bold step when I talked to you 5 days ago. I'm thankful that I did and in all honesty I didn't take the step with as much boldness as I could have...but I took it. I invited you to Marquette because there was a hopeful anticipation that you might be crazy enough to consider it but under it all I was trying to be faithful to what He asked me to do."

"These past couple days, God has put an incredible tenderness inside of me for you and I'm thankful for it. I'm glad I invited you on behalf of God last time we talked. However, I want to invite you again. This time I want to invite you from me because I desire for you to be there. I believe it's a place that will make you thrive and has a community that will support and love you well. I'm personally going through some major transitions in my life and I know that I need someone like you in my life. I believe I need you in my life. In fact, there are two things that I know. One is that I need to go to Marquette for a little while. The second is that I need to have you in my life starting this season..."

I kept going, but this invitation held more boldness than the first time. The intriguing thing was that it was thinking about her that provoked some sort of boldness that was hiding somewhere latent in me...

The conversation continued and I assured her that I didn't need to hear a response or anything from her...and that's about what I got. She mentioned that she had praying about it a bit but didn't really know anything either way. God had given her some sort of "white page" and she was just waiting for Him to write on it either way. In the meantime she said it was ok for me to keep calling...

White page eh...Well, I thought, if she hasn't shut the door, isn't running and isn't creeped out by me yet, then God must be doing something in her...
 

The next few days I was lit up like a sparkler spewing sparks wherever His hand waved me. The Hyltons took me in and I immediately had to share with Jeff about Angie. Shortly after, I found myself telling the story to his family as a witness to them of how God moves and what it looks like to walk by faith. (I love the way they've decided to invest in their children and others.) Part of me was trying really hard to keep all of this as low as possible seeing as though I had next to know response from Angie...ever. YET, I just couldn't stop talking about her. I was consumed with her. She invaded me and it was my delight to surrender to it.

The first full day that I was there ended with a local youth group coming over to use their property. I was attempting to lay low and just rest but felt compelled to join them for their worship at the dock. One by one they started pepping each other up for the start of school and how they were going to live this year...and something started to burn in me. I paced for awhile and then exploded a few things on them. Some were touched but God gave me one in particular who came and sat with me for a couple hours to let me fill him up. He's a warrior.

The next days consisted of serving the Cambodia team that's committing to 2 years or longer and are going to be beautifully wrecked for His intimacy while there! I also got a chance to sit in on a little bit of the Alabama crew debrief. With each group, God was giving me very specific knowledge or wisdom for specific indivduals and I was right on...Many of them confirmed that I had been hearing from Him and that what I talked to them about was exactly what they needed to hear or were struggling through.

The reason why I mention this is because God then turned to me and said "You are hearing correctly with each of these people...I just wanted you to know that you are hearing correctly with Angie as well!!!"

Those first few days after she left, God start demolishing my heart with a tenderness for Ang. Then He, like an excellent violinist, gripped his bow, closed His eyes and started expressing His song of delight in her through the chords of my heart. Somehow the things He was saying to me were being harmonized by the thought of "us." The walls I had built were crumbling quickly with each devastatingly beautiful comment.
 

"You've trusted me with her heart...now I want you to trust me with yours..."

"Benny...you've tried to honor your wife your entire life...why as a good father would I be punking you now?"

"You've blessed me through your desert place and your storms. Now I want you to bless my name through my goodness and sunshine."

"For years you've known the first part of the verse that says "hope deferred makes the heart sick" and now I want you to know the second part that says "a longing fulfilled is a tree of life..."

He kept dropping comments like that which somehow seeped through the deepest cracks of my heart and into my foundation. He was telling me to pursue her and to trust Him with my heart. I was thankful because for years I had tried multiple times on my own strength to no avail. After the last effort I kind of threw it to Him and said "hey, please get me the bride you want me to be with...just let me know which one and I'll run hard after her." It turns out that He's a really good match maker if you can choose to trust Him and wait.


Then one night I was sitting in the hot tub with my boy Tim Dixon and we were chatting it through and out of some deep area in my heart I just blurted out "I'm going to marry the piss out of that woman." Yeah, so probably 95% of you really don't know what to do with that last statement so just read it as me really desiring to marry her :)

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks... I had to just sit there still and let the weight of that statement saturate me and clothe me with confidence for a few minutes before I was ready to move along with our convo.

That's when I knew.

I had at this point talked with her less than an hour total in life. I still didn't know how old she was or if she was in a relationship. I didn't know her family situation. I didn't know if she had a degree or not. I didn't yet know that she liked milk chocolate with hazelnuts, or wine and disliked orange and purple. All I knew was I had a deep desire to get groceries with her. I longed to have her as my partner wherever I went. I savored the thought of sitting next to fires overlooking water and counting His blessings among the stars with her. My soul was satisfied with His decision and I looked forward to the adventure called life I had in front of me to discover the depths of her...


But how?
God how is she going to get on the same page?
How long is that going to take?
How do you want me to pursue???


to be continued...

I washed my hands again. I enjoyed the soothing hot water that was absent in my life the past couple months in the jungle. It kept my nerves cool or at least gave me the illusion of it. How many times have I gone to the bathroom today? 30? 35? 40? Yeah, I don't know but it feels like it!!! It must be the parasites kicking around in my stomache. It might be the stomache infection I picked up around the time we cut a tree down to catch our pet sloth. Well, the doctor did just tell me I had giardia...that's probably it.
 
OR

I'm about to have a conversation with a woman I've only talked to a few times before in life for a total of like 10 minutes and ask her to move countries to come live near me in Marquette, MI. Yeah, that might have something to do with it. I compose myself and walk out to find her walking towards me on her way to the bathroom. A casual happenstance of meeting eh? Hmmm...I keep my cool, give her a hug and a smile and add..."Oh, remember the 'word' I shared with you at training camp? Well, God's been sharing some more things with me and I'd love to have a conversation with you about it after we send all the participants home...k?"

She was down for it and who knows what all had to have been racing through her mind about that lead in. Haha, all I knew was my heart was about to explode from two weeks of trying to grasp what I was about to do and the consequences it held on the rest of my life. There are a few aspects in my life that don't exactly go by the books and I was about to write another page.

By the next morning, I felt a bit like a frog finding it's way to the perfect lilypad in the midst of a windy, wavey day. I knew where I wanted to go and I was excited to get to my flower, yet I had to figure out the right path and time my jump to refuge. Everything around me seemed to be fluid and moving quickly I was just trying to stabalize my world...so I put on a little tunnel vision and focused on my flower and waited...and waited...and then jumped.

I led Ang and her coffee out the door of the hotel and over to poor which was blanketed with enough air traffic noise to cover any conversation...Ever!

"Ang. This is crazy! What I'm about to share with you is crazy, crazy!! Like, really crazy!"
"I get it. It's crazy."
"No. No you don't, but that's ok."
"So what is it?"
"I just ask two things of you. Please just give me grace and please ask God about this...ok?"
"k"
"Well. I really don't know you. I don't know how old you are. I don't know your middle name. I don't really know any of those details of your life. I do know some deeper things about you though. God's been telling me about your heart and trust and did you know how much He loves to linger in your presence?...Anyway, you don't really know me either...at least I don't think so."
"No. Not really."
"Well...God has been drawing me into a new season and one of the things He is bringing me into is my inheritance. I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to get that in a spiritual way yet but that's a step He's bringing me into. He's wanting me to become more bold and courageous and I don't know where everything is going to go with this, but one of the things He's asked me to do is to invite you to come live in Marquette with me."

PAUSE...How about that for a conversation starter? LOL! 

"Well. I am surprised...but I'm not shocked."
***WHAT!!! WHO ARE YOU?!?!? HOW ARE YOU NOT SHOCKED THAT SOME DUDE YOU DON'T KNOW JUST ASKED YOU TO MOVE COUNTRIES FOR HIM? (that was what was going on in my head)***
"God has been actually working on me very particularly this past year asking me 'Angie, how would you respond if I gave you something crazy, something out of your paradigm?' The more I get to know God, the more He does this sort of thing so yeah, I'll pray about it."
"Well good. He's faithful. He gave me something to be bold about and you something to respond crazy to!"
"You know, the way you encouraged me at training camp told me a lot about you and I trust that..."
***Thank You Jesus for prodding me constantly until I talked to her at training camp...(also in my head)***
"So...tell me a little about Marquette..."

The conversation coninued for what seemed like 45 minutes and it didn't once get awkawrd!! How that conversation never got awkward has to be a God thing because that's just stupid crazy. What's even more nuts to me is that it didn't get awkard really in the brief passings that evening or next morning. I promised to get back with her and chat in about 10 days. I wanted to give her a chance to let our convo sink in a bit and give her a chance to ask God what in the world was happening...

I didn't really know what to do with myself that evening as we all went out to eat and get ready for our last night in the hotel. I found myself flittering around like a butterfly in a stiff warm breeze. I felt good...real good...yet, I had no clue where I was supposed to land. I was being refreshed by this vibrant breeze of color that overwhelmed to the point of not knowing which direction I was supposed to hover before making a landing.

Where was this going?
How would she respond when it was time for a response?
What did I just ask her?
Who is she?
Who am I?
haha...well...time will tell. 10 days. I'll give her 10 days and then we'll see what God's been saying to her...Maybe I should write my next blog in 10 days so you'll have a clearer picture of how long that feels!!